SOULARD-A BRIEF HISTORY

From humble beginnings to an even humbler afterwards,
Soulard remains a community of change, culture, and
gasoline.

Originally founded as a separate city in 1741 or
thereabouts by French fur trapper Jacques Eloquente,
its first few years of life were a see-saw battle
between the trappers and their prey. Soulard (which
is the French word for "my cow ate the last bacon
strip") even elected a bear as mayor in 1749 (the
two-term winner Phillippe deYogi). Disgruntled by the
lack of leadership provided by animal mayors (and the
unfortunate mauling deaths of two Board of Aldermen
during redistricting disputes), the city fathers voted
to disband Soulard in 1756 (the city mothers
abstained), but this led to even more chaos.

The fledgling city finally received a more permanent
breath of life when innovative city planner Frederic
deRoquefort decided to make the Soulard area his home
in 1760. His innovative street design (it was his
idea to have all north-south routes lead to the
Anheuser-Busch brewery, even though the brewery would
not be built for another 120 years) was offset by his
fanatical devotion to the Roquefort cheese fortune (it
was also his idea to pave all east-west thoroughfares
with cheese), and he was eventually booted out of
Soulard in 1774.

In 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed.
This, however, had nothing to do with Soulard.

The Revolutionary War did, however, have far-reaching
consequences for Soulard, even though Missouri would
not join the Union as a state until 1840 (or some year
like that). The Freedom Fighters and Revelers ran out
of bars in the original 13 colonies, so they were
forced to infringe on what was then Indian territory,
creating such current well-known landmarks as the
1860's Saloon (although it is unknown why they named a
pub after a decade that was 80 years in the future).
In any case, once these new drunken pioneers cleared
the cheese from the streets it was full steam ahead
for Soulard (which is the French word for "if you kick
my milkmaid again I'll take you to court").

One of the great 19th Century (that's the 1800's)
pioneers making a name for himself in Soulard was
long-time attorney and politician Abraham
Lincoln...oh, wait, he was from Illinois.

We were thinking of Avrahim Lalcon, who founded the
first Jewish synagogue in Soulard in 1839. However,
since he was the only one attending this house of
worship, it was soon converted to the Ninth Street
Abbey, named after Abigail Sweet, who was Soulard's
first...never mind.

After the War Between the States, Soulard (which is
the French word for "the butter doesn't go there"),
Soulard grew by leaps and bounds. It soon got lost as
a result of this, and finally came back to its current
location about 1900, the same year that Soulard
architect Jayson NinthandRussell established a studio
on the corner of Ninth and Russell, which was named
for him shortly after he perished in an unfortunate
cement mixer mishap.

Prohibition came and went. Beer flowed freely in the
streets after 1933, which caused several accidents as
a result of poor driving conditions. It wasn't until
the development of the "golf cart" (created from
surplus supplies from the famous World War II "Battle
of Soulard") that Soulard began to take its rightful
place in the list of Missouri communities. Civic
leaders predict that by 2020 the golf cart will
replace most above-ground transportation. Already a
movement is underway to create an independent "State
of Soulard" (which comes from the Spanish word for
"what the heck is he talking about?"), which would
co-exist with the newly formed "State of
Anheuser-Busch".