SCIENTISTS SAY WE WILL SOON BE ALL ALIKE

Old theory about to go by the boards; discovery of two
non-clones who are exactly alike

BERKELEY, CA (UPS)-In a statement that could
permanently change genetic theory, scientists here at
the University of California-Berkeley now say that the
age-old theory that no two people are alike may soon
be history.

Staff members here were aghast to discover two people
who are exactly alike, right down to their DNA. They
are not twins or clones.

"I guess God ran out of genetic patterns," says Dr.
Feebo Furzibal of the UC-Berkeley medical team. "Or
maybe he lost his place. Or made a mistake," Dr.
Furzibal said. "I just don't know."

The two exact copies, known in the world of mysticism
as doppelgangers, have been moved to an unknown
location for their privacy, as well as their own
protection. Social theorist B.F. Goodrich says this
may not be the best idea.

"They'll probably kill each other," said Goodrich.
"Of course that would restore the social order." Who
would have the edge in a match between such
evenly-matched individuals? "I guess one would have
to sneak up on the other and kill him in his sleep,"
Goodrich replied.

And clergy throughout the country are not taking
kindly to the idea that the Creator may have finally
blown it.

"Sure, go ahead, blame the Lord," said Reverend Al
Dore during his hearing on charges of youthful sexual
abuse. "He made the rivers, He made the lakes, He
made two of these people...well, we all
mistakes...wait, that's not right," said Reverend
Dore, who asked if the two were young boys. "It makes
a difference, it really does," he said.

And what about the implications for the wonderful
world of dating? "I guess it would take the guesswork
out of finding a perfect match," said Leslie Goodbody,
who heads up the Lezdoowit dating service in Los
Angeles. "But who would want to be matched up with
someone who had all the same bad habits as they did?"

The discovery poses a potential nightmare for
licensing and payroll outfits, but could be a plus for
thieves who could hire the duplicates to perform
multiple tasks at peak efficiency.