MY THOUGHTS ON RELIGION (for what it's worth) -OR-
W.W.I.D. (What would I do?)

I was in church the other month when I was approached
by an elderly woman I recognized from the last time I
went (I don't think she was elderly the last time i
went). "Good to see you," I said.

"Go to Hell," she replied.

It made me think. Where did she really want to go?
Would she go with me? And then I thought...

Where would Jesus go?

We are a needy lot these days. With towers collapsing
and planets like Uranus taking cooking classes, I
thought, 'Boy, we probably are praying a lot these
days.' So OK; Jesus listens to our prayers. And I
bet He'd like to help. (Actually, I bet He sits there
for a while, realizes what a big bunch of cry-baby,
wuss-ass losers we are, and then flips back to John
Edward to laugh at HIM for a while.)

But then finally Jesus realizes, 'Oh Christ, I've got
to do something', and then starts packing an overnight
bag (because you know sure as Hell he's not planning
on hanging around here that long). But where will he
go? The Middle East? Please. I think the Father and
the Son get together and look at THAT place as one big
Celebrity Deathmatch and start taking bets. New York?
Oops. A little late.

I think I know.

The Yukon.

Yup. You know Jesus has his eye on some hot Eskimo
chick, and sometime around June that babe has to start
shedding some of that winter fur and lay out in the 32
minutes of sun that place gets.

And He's there.

And the rest of us? Dream on. Pray all you want, but
the truth is we're just not that atractive to a guy
who's spent two thousand years trying to get Mary
Magdalene and all the other Marys to stop their
whining and get on with it.

He's ready for a break.