MICHAEL JACKSON FINALLY PULLS OFF FACE, IS
REALLY JIMMY HOFFA

Jacksons Tour In Doubt

(EP)In a surprising development, Michael Jackson
called a news conference early this morning, at which
time he pulled off his very light-skinned face and
revealed he was really missing Teamsters leader
Jimmy Hoffa.
Reactions ranged from shock and horror to
complete disinterest. "We thought we got him," said
former Mob boss Jimmy "The Bone" Contangelo. "No big
deal. We'll get him again."
While Jackson/Hoffa remained in seclusion at
the Hollywood home of good/former friend, fellow
weirdo Elizabeth Taylor, many who knew the former
"King of Pop" were not really all that surprised. "The
monkeys knew," was the response from Neverland ranch
caretaker Elvis Presley.
In jeopardy is the current Jacksons tour, currently in
limbo (actually Provo, Utah). "Nobody wants to
see Jimmy Hoffa and the Jackson Four," said
Michael's former brother Tito. "Look, man," he
continued, "I haven't got a career at all. I need this
money," a sentiment echoed by the former pop star's
other brothers, including Latoya. Possible replacements
include Jackson Browne, Andrew Jackson and
Pee-Wee Herman, although a family source
said most of the good choices to replace
Michael are already dead.