CENSUS TAKERS STRIKE

Say count 'em yourselves

Washington, DC - In a surprise move, census
takers walked off their jobs early this morning,
citing several people issues as the reason for their
dissatisfaction.

"We give you the best estimates we know how," said
chief Census Taker Elliot Frinkball. "But that's not
good enough. If we guess short, people are dead," he
continued. "But what about when we guess high? Baby
boom!" Frinkball says accusations that his census
takers are secretly murdering people to meet their
quotas are blatantly untrue. "OK, we have been known
to come to blows with a few uncooperative single
males, age 21-35, income under $10,000," Frinkball
says. "We just move on. We're not killers."

The chief Census Taker says cloning has also made
their job harder in recent months. "We get a guy
counted, we turn around, and there he is again,"
Frinkball laments.

Federal People Commissioner Hal W. Bush says let 'em
walk. "We really only need 'em in the big census
years," Bush responded. "2000 is history. It's like
the air traffic controllers. My grandma's pet monkey
could do the job." Commissioner Bush says they'll
have replacement monkeys--er, people--on the job long
before the next census in 2010.